Dad's Eulogy - 2016

(I never intended to write this to be "published" - It was just off the cuff, from the heart and something I cranked out in the few days between his death and his funeral. I remember writing it in one sitting, in my RV that i lived in parked outside my family's house. I put this on here so that it's out there. I know everyone will come up and say "you did a great job", "that was fantastic", "one of the best euglogies i've ever heard" and they're probably just saying that. But being one of the first time my writing has been heard by people really, and getting some praise... here it is. And at the end of the day, there's no "Good" or "Bad" when it comes to a Eulogy. Because they aren't written to impress the people. They written as a story of a life and a son's last good bye to his father. -LawN 2021)

Me and Dad when we took my campus visit to Michigan in 2003

First off, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for coming out and showing your love and respect to my dad. The amount of Love and support we have received from his friends, family and our community has been overwhelming. I know many of you have come from near and far, or have made sacrifices to be here, So, from the bottom of my heart, Thank You all.

Well Last Sunday, my father passed away peacefully at home after a short 10 month battle with cancer. He fought hard and courageously all the way until the end and we’re all so proud of everything he’s done.

I like to think of my dad as having lived 2 of my lifetimes. He had 1 life of his before he had my sister and I. Then he had a second lifetime over the course of ours.

Many of you are lucky enough to have known my dad during his 1st life. From his stories, his photos and the sheer number of old friends he has, he seemed like the ultimate friend, a free spirit and just a very cool guy. From his young teenage years working in the restaurants of Honk Kong, to his time in London, the East Coast and finally San Diego, my dad was always a work hard, play hard kind of guy and made friends everywhere he went. He was a traveler, adventure seeker and hard charger and I’m positive Dad knew how to have a good time. He was always proud of this old photo he had at home. He looked like he was in his 20’s, and was sitting in a booth with like 7 or 8 really old Italian guys. Everyone wore suits, and all the upholstery was Pink, it was probably in the 70’s. He would ask me.. “Do you know who these people are?” Id say “No”, then he’d proceed to tell me “This guy used to own Bally’s in Las Vegas… This guy and this guy owned the Flamingo.. this guy… and this guy…owned some other casino”. Now I understood that these guys were big time. What I never understood was how my dad got to sitting in the middle of the booth, surrounded by these guys. It was just them, and him…. He never really told me how though. Every time I would ask he would just laugh then smile… then not say anything… But They seemed like they were all having a good time….soo…. I can only image.

Another One of my favorite stories of his were about the early days at the Mandarin House. You see, we live over near UCSD. And the Mandarin House is about 5 miles away, but it’s up and down hills. As you all know, they were always gambling, and I think they gambled at everything. Anyways, My dad said that Him, his partner Bill Man, and crazy Uncle Ray among others would often have a foot race after work. Sometimes they were sprint races, in the Alley behind the restaurant. Sometimes they were medium distances down La Jolla Blvd to the end of Bird Rock and back, and sometimes they were from the restaurant back to his house by UCSD, meanwhile the servers, and hostesses and whoever else would drive in cars behind them, all the while cheering them on, only to meet up and have a party later. But every time, they were gambling. And that’s the kind of guy my dad was in his first lifetime. Fun, personable and full of life.

The father I knew existed in his second lifetime. The man I knew was probably a little different from the first. He was firm, respected and tough as nails. He was a dedicated family man, who helped his whole family come to America and helped them while they got their own lives up and running. He was a successful restaurateur who had at one point had 3 Mandarin House locations in San Diego and 2 in Mexico City. He was a fair, but stern father who loved his kids and his family and only ever wanted what was best for us. I’m not gonna lie, he spoiled us and I know it now. And most of all, he was a teacher, a real life example of how I should live my life.

My dad was one of these guys that was good at everything. It just seemed like he knew how to do everything, which was only true because he tried everything. When we were kids and went skiing for the first time, my dad skied like a pro and taught my sister and I and a few of my cousins all how to ski. When we went ice skating for the first time, my dad had his own pair of ice skates and was surprisingly good on them. When we went bowling, he could bowl into the 200’s. When I started boxing my friends in our garage in middle school, he knew how to box and gave me tips. He could ride a horse really well too. I’ll never forget the time we road tripped back from Michigan after I graduated. We found a “Ranch” that would allow us to run the horses. The thing was, that this “Ranch” was in the middle of a residential neighborhood. I’ll never forget the image of my dad. There were cars everywhere, stop signs, traffic lights, and then a small Chinese man flying down the street at full gallop on this big brown horse. So wrong, but so right. When I was a kid, he would take me fishing. He knew how to fish, but if you actually knew him, he was a terrible fisherman, but I liked it, so we went. And alas, he was a Golfer. He picked up golfing when I was just a kid, and I think its safe to say that Golf was a little more than Just a hobby for him. It was a way of life. . I’m fairly certain he was addicted right away. I remember my dad was always swinging his clubs around the house. There were clubs strewn around in every room, and I remember him breaking the glass in his shower more than a handful of times because the club “slipped”. When we moved back to our old house by UCSD 10 years ago, we built him an outdoor practice cage. He would hit balls in there every single morning while having his morning coffee. He probably hit about a million balls in there over the years. Not even kidding. Every couple of weeks for the last 25 years, he’d come wagging his finger at me going “Nelson… I’ve been thinking… I got a new swing”. And then proceed to show me. Although it might have felt different to him… It always just looked like the same circular Jim Fuyrk swing to me. But I never told him. Golf was his escape. His time and place to mentally check out of work, and go enjoy the amazing San Diego weather with his friends. Maybe he might forget a birthday here and there.. but he’ll be quick to tell you who won the last 10 majors.

But in addition to all this play, my dad was a very hard worker. Our family wasn’t like other families. We would eat dinner REALLY Early so that my dad could go down and work dinner shift at work. Then every night, we would stay up late for my dad to come home and eat a late night meal which was usually rice soup. Other kids had 8:30 bedtimes…We never went to bed before midnight. My dad didn’t even get off work till 10:00pm on week nights. Then we would eat and watch Sportscenter- I would always convince him to let me stay up late for TOP 10 plays, then go to bed. He instilled in me his great work ethic from a young age. My first shift at the Mandarin House was with Wilfred. We were in 7th grade and tasked to wash Dishes at the Mandarin House on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. They paid us $20 each per day. If you know anything about the Mandarin House on those two days of the year, you’ll know that Wilfred and I got screwed. After our first night, we wanted to quit. There were too many dishes. We knew we were getting jipped. We wanted to renegotiate. So we approached our dads with our demands. They were quick to say things along the lines of “You think money is that easy to make” & “ The two of you are doing the job of 1 person”. A whole lot of “blah blah blah” later and to my dad’s delight, we settled on $25 dollars a piece. But it was a lesson in hard work, the value of money, and don’t try and negotiate with dad… he’ll screw you… then laugh about it… forever.

About 3 weeks ago, my dad was out shopping with my mom. That day, as my mom recalls, he was adamant about buying a Mandarin Orange tree, so they did. That small tree came with 3 oranges already on it. He forced my mom to have one, and it was sweet. Next, he forced me to have one, and it also sweet. At this time, swallowing was getting pretty hard for him, but we shared the oranges anyways. He would spit out the pulp and just taste the juice. Happy to know we got a good tree. Well, the next day, we’re in the yard and he wants to plant the tree at this certain spot in the yard. We argue a little about where, and about how his spot didn’t have the best light. He didn’t care, and pressed on. Saying that the other spot with more light was in the back corner of the yard and we’d never see the tree. At least if it was over where he wanted it, we could watch it grow. So we conceded and planted where he wanted it. After it was planted, I remember him saying, “So when I’m gone, you guys and the kids can have oranges to eat”. Looking back it all now, it was probably the last real task that he wanted to accomplish before his health began to fade. And that’s just the type of guy he was, Always thinking 2 steps ahead, and always thinking about us.

I owe much of who I am to my father. He taught me so much about every facet of life. How to be a respectful person, how to socialize with people, and how to.. as he always said “bullshit bull shit” Because as you all know… he was a master Bullshitter. My dad taught me not to be afraid about trying new things, and how I need to use my brain to think through problems. He would always say “Think it, think it” . He taught me to be an honest man, a man of great character, charisma and integrity. He taught me how to work hard, and the value of the dollar. He showed me what it means to be a family man, what its like to make sacrifices and also how to enjoy life. He always lived life his way and nobody could tell him otherwise. He had a strong sense of who he was and what he stood for, and lived by that every single day.

But even when my dad was sick, he didn’t stop teaching me. He taught me how to run his business. He taught me how to stand up for my family when the chips were down, he taught me to be present and cherish every day, he taught me how important family is, and he taught me how fragile and delicate life can be. He showed me how much life can change in 10 short months. He showed me that time and each other is all we have.

So Thank you dad for my life. Thank you for loving me as I am and supporting me no matter what. Thank you for all the delicious food you’ve cooked for me my entire life. If cooking is a labor of love, then there’s no doubt why your food always tasted the best. Thank you for the countless lessons you have taught me every single day. Thank you for showing me, by example, how I should live my life. Your Character, your charisma, and your smile, will live on in me forever. I love you.

3/7/2016