Single at 40

Holy shit! That is me. I am him. I am one of them. I am it...The Single at 40. Aaaaaaaannnnndd..... I'm kind of Ok with it. Gonna try and lean into it for a hot minute (6 months minimum). Stay off the apps and embrace the singleness. It's gonna be hard w/no dogs around, i get bored. But 2024 was kind of rough. I got burned HARD by a 2.5 year relationship... and then quickly T-boned by a dump truck and burned again to close out the year. Totally blindsided. Women are arsonists. They'll just set you on fire and walk away. Savage little creatures.

When I was young I thought there was something wrong with single 30 year olds and that single 40 year olds were just freaks. But here I am. The thing i understand now that I didn't then is that a single 40 year old likely hasn't been single this entire time. If he's anything like me... just a regular guy... he's been in a few loving relationships and a few toxic ones. He's been through the ups and downs of beginning and ending a relationship numerous times. He's dumped, been dumped and everything in between. He's experienced so much ecstasy and love and so much heart break and despair.... both happening months or even years at a time. A single at 40 has been through some shit. We're beaten, we're scraped and we've all been able to luckily dodge a few bullets along the way. But we're here.... survivors! Just wondering how the hell we're still in the recycle bin! I'll talk to the old men that come sit at my bar... here's how it goes...

Old man:: "How old are you?"

Me :: "39, almost 40"

Old man :: "Married?"

Me :: "Nope"

Old Man :: "Kids?"

Me :: "Nope"

Old Man :: "Exwife?"

Me :: "Nope"

Old Man :: "YES!!! KEEP GOING!" fist bump

And then we laugh. It's great! it's happened more than once. Hilarious. I love people.

  But yeah... 40 and single isn't something to be ashamed about! There's something to be said of the person who's choosing themselves and righting their ship for a moment. Right now.... at this juncture of life.... knowing what we know now and being more clear than we have ever been about how we want to move forward....... it's ok to pause on the relationships and come up for air for a moment. Work on yourself. My 20's were a whirlwind of college, and young adult life and shenanigans. Boundless energy on little sleep. Exploring the world and figuring out who I was. My 30's were real life. Dad died, 3 dogs died, and I took over the restaurant. Real work. Real responsibilities and real sacrifices. I was in 2 x 2.5 year relationships in my 30's which can only be categorized as Hot, Crazy and so much bickering. And after all the good and bad I've been through in my adult life so far, it's time to really just get adult me a moment to get right. Declutter my house and garage, take better care of my finances, prioritize my health by staying active and doing consistent exercise or yoga. I want to get myself going in the right direction figure out where the ships going for the next 10 years. Reset the trajectory because everything has changed. Figure out the direction I want to take my life and get going that way. Hopefully I find somebody going the same way.

  I'm at a place where I'm not trying to just fuck people anymore. I think ultimately it's not a winning strategy to find a long term partner and just screws everybody up. You get addicted to the dopamine hit and get all lost in the sauce. Then you slowly find out over time that you don't like this person and you let it go longer than you should because the sex is good. Story of my life. So, that's why we're trying to get to know people and want to fuck them for them. Not because they're just hot. Build a connection first. Wait until you can see the beauty beneath the skin, then do it. I think we can all agree that sex with somebody you like is like 1000 times better than if you don't. I don't care how hot they are. That being said... I tried this new strategy recently with the dump truck that T-boned me.... i didn't give her the salami....and needless to say.. it didn't work... or maybe it did? Another potential bullet dodged? You never know....but more than likely.

Just cause you're 40 and single, doesn't mean that you're gonna be single forever. Love and connection can happen any time and when that happens... you're IN IT, no escaping. Like having a dog... always there. Relationships are a lot of work, and if not sufficiently worked on, they fail. And when they fail... it hurts for a while. The days are long and glum, your mind torments you on why you weren't enough, and it's hard to sleep when the world goes quiet and you're all alone with nothing but your thoughts. To be honest right now, I'm a little gun shy. I keep getting burned and I'm over it. I really can't and dont want to get a third burn anytime soon. Like a burn, the skin comes back but the scars remain. We may "heal" but sometimes the damage is already done. Only time will tell.

Will I get into another relationship again? absolutely. There really is something special about the synergy and connection you can have with somebody else. When it fits, its a beautiful thing. It's loving. It's trusting. It's supportive. And it's fun. That's what I'm looking for.  But in a weird way I feel like i have not quite evolved yet into my final form. And the person I'll attract now is attracted to who i am now. But who I am now, and I can't change who I am now, isn't gonna be who I'm gonna be later. I think that next next one I meet in my down the line form gonna be a real one who'll end up breaking my heart one way or another. But it's gonna be so good while it lasts. Like they've all been really.  It truly is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Love and heartbreak go hand in hand. Yin and Yang Can't have one without the other. It's gonna be rough at the end guaranteed... but when it's good... it's so worth it. But that's life. Enjoy what you have when you have it. Nothing is forever

Burnt

-LawN